When it comes down to Bollywood, we know it never fails to give us a good laugh. Be it their exaggerated and overly clichéd dialogues (“Mein tumhare bachche ki maa banne wali hun” I am about to be the mother of your child) or the mind-boggling scenes that defy all laws of science and nature and… common sense. The hero gets strewn with a rain of pellets, gets a sound bashing from gundas and even falls to the ground in defeat. But just when you are about to heave a sigh of relief, the hero gets up with renewed and miraculous health and beats the living wits out of his enemies. I do not know why he let those guys ruin his face in the first place when he had the talent in him all along. Or maybe the strength comes from his Kaali Maata as a gift for being such a goody-two-shoes and self-allotting himself the duty of the entire planet’s well-being?
Okay now I am beginning to sound like a Bollywood movie writer myself, what with all the exaggeration. But let’s just admit it; there is just one thing which can beat Bollywood movies. And that is their songs.
More often than not, Bollywood songs, complete with their bizarre lyrics, hilarious dance moves and equally befitting, facial expressions from the actors’ part, can send you into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, with tears in your eyes and your cheeks hurting.
Almost as if to draw the attention from their dim-witted lyrics, they compensate by adding great, foot-tapping music to it. That’s the worst thing about them: They are so fabulously catchy that you have to bite your tongue from humming them absent-mindedly. You would not want to be caught dead singing those stupid songs in public, right?
Lots of them have succeeded in becoming the major party anthems of our country. So here are some of the songs we all love but hate to admit. My top picks for the most absurd Bollywood hits are as follows:
HIP HIP HOORAH:
If the surprise the bride puts up for her spouse, his family and hers is not surprising (read: ‘outrageous’) enough for you, then you might want to pay close attention to the song’s lyrics. The girl takes elaborate (dance) measures to shed light upon her ‘hot hot armaan’ by pre-informing she wants eight kids (Or more. But definitely not less than that.)
The lyrics are downright inappropriate (particularly for a wedding song lol), to say the least.
My expressions mirrored that of the groom, I swear.
Yes, I was getting to(oh) that too(h). In case you are wondering what that can be, ‘toonh’ is Punjabi for bum. The song is apparently about asses, by the asses, to(oh) the asses. So it got me thinking if Bollywood was trying to reenact Shakira’s ‘Hips don’t lie’. If that was the case, then they sure did stoop ‘lower’. See what I did there? Hips to bums? Excuse me, I am overdosed on tooh.
TU MERE AGAL BAGAL HAI:
Half of the song I did not even understand, but the parts I did, my expressions were like this:
The whole time throughout the song.
The lyrics of any song cannot get more eccentric than this. Got to give point to Illeana though!
This popular Nargis Fakhri number will stick to your mind like chewing gum to hair. Much as the song is catchy, it surely makes no sense. At all.
I have heard a variety of endearments but ‘desi mausambi’ and ‘chirya firangi’? No, not that. The composers go off course with absurd comparisons which culminates into a fast-paced chant of dhating naach, accentuating further on its meaninglessness. There are people who describe their moods as happy, sad or excited but ‘lallan top’ was definitely my first.
MERI PANT BHI SEXY:
I saved the best song for last! Trust me when I say this: This song is GOLD. Fairly older than other songs in this list, but it deserves to be here for all the right (or wrong?) reasons. There is Govinda in it so that should suffice for you. But its extremely irritating lyrics (not to mention the dance moves!) make it the stupidest song of the century. Hands down.